So I discussed my predicament within the Nats thread and, to not bore you, however I’m in a hospital doing inpatient rehab in anticipation of being let loose on the eve of the Grand Départ. I’ve been watching Unchained on Netflix all week. Life may very well be worse!
That mentioned, the most important limiting issue is neurofatigue (I favor drained legs), and everybody —medical doctors, household, work colleagues, SBNation group — have insisted that I prioritize relaxation over such pursuits as producing content material across the 2024 Tour de France. So I remorse to say that I can not preview the Tour this yr OK advantageous, however I’m going to should preserve it transient. Subsequently I offer you… The Stroke Sufferer’s One Sentence Information to the Groups of the 2024 Tour de France!
[Warning: my ability to distinguish reality from Unchained is tenuous at best. So if these previews read as the plot of Season 3, I apologize.]
Alpecin Deceuninck: Van der Poel is like Jasper’s on-bike sports-dad, displaying him the way in which, giving him a hand up, weathering his outbursts. Making all of it OK.
Arkéa-B&B Motels: I just like the technique of bringing a classics lineup to the Tour, why sit again and simply settle for that this can be a stage race?
Astana Qazaqstan: A “run it again with an ever getting older Mark Cavendish” roster? Wow haha man, my mind actually is combating the idea of time. Are you able to think about if that had been this yr?
Bahrain Victorious: A number of groups with few good choices would kill to have somebody as dependable as Matej Mohorič.
BORA Hansgrohe: They constructed a group particularly to cease Visma-LAB, and it may work. That’s the excellent news…
Cofidis: 50% of life is simply displaying up, proper?
Decathlon AG2R: I do know it’s onerous to stay with a plan that didn’t work final time, however Ben O’Connor (4th in Giro) looks as if he may have helped right here.
EF Training – EasyPost: Richard Carapaz was one start of a kid away from a pre-Tour interrupting trifecta (sickness after a crash). The stage hunters — Bettiol, Powless — will most likely mitigate the injury although.
Groupama FDJ: In all probability too quickly for the Lennaissance, however simply in case, lay off the post-race beers.
INEOS Grenadiers: I might enterprise a guess that Bernard Hinault’s favourite rider on the Tour is Tom Pidcock.
Intermarché – Wanty: A fiver on Hugo Web page for a stage win. Any takers?
Israel PremierTech: Derek Gee is definitely essentially the most related bicycle owner IPT has ever delivered to the Tour. Low bar, until you had been into the Froome nostalgia laps.
Lidl – Trek: Doubt Giulio Ciccone’s potential to get consideration and even win one thing at your peril. Additionally in search of Mads vs Wout battle for Inexperienced.
Lotto – DSTNY: As to that final sentence, a part of the calculation is that De Lie is right here to forestall Jasper from rolling off the dash wins.
Movistar: Is that this the yr they shed their picture because the estranged uncle who exhibits as much as Thanksgiving yearly and nods off on the desk?
Soudal Fast Step: Remco Evenepoel’s Tour debut is inspiring much less confidence than the Cybertruck, however the true story is Fast Step bringing a GC group to the Tour in any respect. Not even hedging their bets with an emergency sprinter!
Crew dsm-firmenich: Fairly frisky lineup circa 2018. Jakobsen is the one one for whom the bloom will not be off the rose, however the outcomes are going within the improper path.
Crew Jayco AlUla: Can we simply ponder how wild the two-up Yates Brothers escape was in Bilbao final yr?
Crew Visma Lease a Bike: A yr after the best grand tour season ever, their luck operating out appears inevitable… that’s biking. Now watch Jorgenson make the rostrum.
TotalEnergies: I’m on physician’s orders to wrap this up. transferring proper alongside…
UAE Crew Emirates: It’s not sufficient that they’ve already received the Tour. They’re additionally going to maintain their stranglehold on the white jersey and put as much as for guys within the prime ten. Sturdy La Vie Claire vibes.
Uno – X Mobility: This lineup introduced my mind to an entire halt.
