In what is bound to be the weirdest dishonest scandal of 2024, the time-honored “World Conker Championships” have been wrecked with controversy as an 82-year-old man often known as “King Conker” gained the match, solely to have it found that he has a metal chestnut in his pocket.
David Jakins has been competing on the World Conker Championships since 1977, however has by no means gained in his 47-year chestnut battling profession — till this previous weekend. Jakins, often known as “King Conker” for his long-time involvement within the video games, in addition to being the pinnacle decide of the competitors, is being investigated after the metal chestnut was found in his pocket following his victory. Jakins is claiming his innocence, remaining resolute that his steel chestnut is a gag merchandise, not a device to win.
“I used to be discovered with the metal conker in my pocket, however I solely carry [it] round with me for humour worth and I didn’t use it throughout the occasion.”
Conkers is a conventional kids’s sport throughout the UK and Eire during which chestnuts are threaded onto items of string and opponents battle, taking turns smashing their chestnuts into one another. The winner is the primary one who shatters their opponent’s nut.
So naturally, having a metal chestnut would instantly break the sport at its most elementary degree, assuring victory when one is competing towards those that simply have a traditional nut. Jakins’ opponent within the finals believes there was positively one thing off about his loss.
“My conker disintegrated in a single hit, and that simply doesn’t occur … I’m suspicious of foul play and have expressed my shock to organisers.”
If you happen to thought only one dishonest scandal was a sufficient on this planet of aggressive chestnut battling, pricey buddies, effectively watch for it — as a result of there’s A SECOND CHESTNUT SCANDAL!
Along with Jakins’ metal nut, there’s additionally been solutions that the 82-year-old might have doctored the nut-smashing competitors to allow him to cheat one other means. On this planet of conkers opponents get their chestnuts in a blind draw out of a bag. Jakins was liable for choosing and threading man of the nuts for the competitors.
It’s been steered that in Jakins might have marked the strings of the toughest chestnuts, permitting him to pick solely one of the best nuts within the nut sack.
“There are additionally solutions that King Conker had marked the strings of tougher nuts. We will affirm he was concerned in drilling and lacing the nuts earlier than the occasion. We’re investigating.”
Is that this all a case of coincidence and no wrongdoing occurred, or was an getting old chestnut battler so pissed off together with his a long time of futility that he turned to rigged nuts, earlier than utilizing a metal nut to ensure the win? Irrespective of how this shakes out I’m excited for the made-for-Netflix film Nut Wars that may ultimately come out of this.
